“Restraint is the better part of valor.” - Henry IV, Part 1
Power comes in many forms. ‘Power over’ and ‘power to’ are the two predominate stereotypes. They both involve having more—more strength, more opportunity, more weapons, more cunning, more guile, more territory, more resources, more privilege. On the other hand, ‘power within’ is far more difficult to quantify and looks like having less—less coercion, less strife, less fear, less insecurity, less pride, less drama, less pretense. Ironically, less truly is more, because true power lies within.
In the Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu wrote, “When the Master governs, the people are hardly aware that he exists. Next best is a leader who is loved. Next, one who is feared. The worst is one who is despised.” It would seem that we are living far from the ideal nowadays. In a world where popularity is currency and deconstruction is the solution to disagreement, how can we uphold an optimistic view of power and of the future? The answer lies, strangely, in restraint.
As a social species our survival has always depended on the help and companionship of others. Only recently has humanity led itself astray with the belief that we are somehow autonomous silos of purpose and contentment. The notion of pluralism (“we are all unique”) has been conflated with the lie of relativism (“we are all equally right”) to produce a kind of misguided religion of the individual. The real depressing thing is that the leaders of this movement could care less about the individual freedoms of their followers. They are only using derisive narratives to gain power over them. And we are falling for it.
The individual exists in a greater context of parts, both external and internal. When we plant our flag on the hill of sovereign individualism, we so often forget that, for most of us, our internal landscape is an utter mess. Most people waffle on non-trivial existential issues on a weekly (if not daily) basis. How can we uphold an ideal that is anything but dependable? The answer is, you can't, and you shouldn't try to. This is why humans created cultural norms and myths. To help guide them towards higher truth. To ground them in a shared ethos of restraint.
I'm not saying that we need to revert back to the dark ages of strict biblical law and feudalism, because those were certainly extensions of 'power over.' I'm saying that we need to master our inner turmoil (power within) before we make any declarations about the way things should be for others. Every ounce of misdirected energy that we give towards selfish goals—goals that abdicate hard work, commitment, and sacrifice—will come back to hurt us. Instead, if we can direct our aim towards seeking truth, beauty, and goodness and remaining humble in the face of struggle, then we cannot lose.
The way to recognize true power is in how it manifests. If a person (or system) is weak, they will depend on tyrannical coercion instead of unified leadership. If they are strong, they will lead by example and unapologetic invitation. In order to lead, we must first learn to be led by the great people who came before us. We must sacrifice our time and self-gratification for the greater good of our own souls and the souls around us. We will only grow in power relative to how much responsibility we take in regards to this development. We will become matured individuals by virtue of our action, and not just by virtue of our beliefs.
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